Connection

Isolation.  Something I'd perfected over the years.

You will NOT know who I really am.

I would rather keep my (sugar) addiction to myself thank you very much.  I'm not willing to give it up, no chance.

But doing the food has helped everything. 

I no longer binge.

I am no longer depressed.

I am connecting with people in recovery and loving every minute of it.

I am slowly revealing who I am.  Who I was meant to be.

But I couldn't do it alone.  I have been able to connect with real people who have the same biochemistry as me.  It's been wonderful.

Interestingly I noticed that I have been more and more fascinated in the connections with my sewing.  How a piece of a skirt which has been made into a bag (now residing in Scandinavia) is connected to another piece of the same skirt (still living with me in England for now).

And then I started watching a film which had lots of different actors and I was looking at them and making connections for them as well  - he was in Moulin Rouge; she was in Harry Potter.  It just seemed to be automatic.

Well, it sure would seem that we are all connected.  It just depends on whether you honour that connection or not.

Sugar detox

I used to be scared witless at the thought of giving up my drug of choice - sugar.  It was a real love/hate relationship - couldn't live with it, couldn't live without it.

I started doing the food methodically and as outlined in Potatoes not Prozac (rather than my own version of events LOL!) properly in early 2006.  I had dabbled ever since the first book came out in 1999.  This time round I was making steady progress through the steps - feeling hugely better by step 3.

I detoxed from sugar in June 2007 completely by accident.  I was going to have one last summer eating ice creams with my kids (addict thinking anyone?!)  But my body had other ideas.

Looking back at my journal, sugar had been gone from my meals for three days before I even realised!  And it was completely painless too!  A complete non-event.  Nobody more surprised than me.

Who knew?!?!?

Well, it seems that Dr Kathleen DesMaisons did :)

The beginning

I had a bit of wake up call recently.

Music.  It's always been a big thing for me.  Always.

So I've been making some connections recently.  I love Phil Collins - always have.  I also love Genesis.  And Mike and the Mechanics.  More recently Paul Carrack.  And Peter Gabriel too  - coincidence?  I think not!

I can remember listening to a Genesis gig live in 1986.  I swore it was on Radio One but I may have been mistaken.  I can remember 'feeling' the depth of its music.  I searched for it this morning but instead found the entire DVD on YouTube.  Oh my!!  All my Christmases came at once!

Anyway, I've been looking into Peter Gabriel - I just love 'Don't Give Up' (subject of my another post).  It seems he's quite local to me.  And he was also one of the founder members of WOMAD which has always fascinated me.  Guess what?  It's staged in Malmesbury, Wiltshire - just up the road.  And coincidentally I met a friend for coffee in Malmesbury recently too.

And Genesis?  What does that mean to me?  The beginning...   LOL.  Yup - that would be it.  The start of something big!!

Oh gosh, I think I'm in heaven right now :)

Whew!

Solar eclipse (of the heart)

We had an 85% solar eclipse this morning.  I have always been fascinated by pretty much anything up in the sky, be it thunderstorms, clouds, the moon, the stars...

The last time we had an eclipse my daughter was just 3 months old.  She will be 16 in a month and a bit.  How time flies.

First thing this morning, it was total cloud cover.  Oh no, not again, thinks I.  This happened last time. But over the course of the eclipse, the clouds started to thin and you could clearly see the moon covering the sun through the veil of clouds.

The birds started to gather together to roost and the air took on a mystical hue.  Yep, that happened last time too.

I even took a few photos - aiming the camera in approximately the right direction seemed to work...

But what I hadn't planned on (nor hadn't experienced last time) was how it made me FEEL.  My heart became so full it almost burst.  Everything made sense.  I realised that the stray cat we have came into my life to teach me about love.  I could see for perhaps the first time.

And when I went through the photos on my camera after the event, I was met by this one...

It was taken of a reflection in the window through the tree.  It sure didn't look like that when I took it.

Pretty much sums up my experience.

All this because I have been 'doing the food' and balanced my wonky biochemistry.

Feeling very, very grateful today.

xx