It's not very often I look at my journey as a whole, but I was in a wistful mood so thought I would today.
One of my earliest memories was sneaking into the kitchen when my mum wasn't looking and making myself a white bread and margarine sandwich - or 3. This was before I was 10 years old.
When I was at Junior school my mum told the cook to just give me a piece of fruit for my pudding as I wasn't just having seconds, I was having thirds of pudding every single day. Boy was I mad at her!
Eventually I fell into the first job that was offered; I had no motivation; I was depressed and I would binge all day long on cookies and coffee.
My confidence was through the floor despite being smart. I was rebellious and withdrawn with wild mood-swings topped off with a sprinkle of crankiness.
When I wasn’t eating sugar and whites I was drinking. I lost whole weekends. I became a stay at home mum and clung to the house, not wanting to be seen. I was angry, moody and felt like a victim.
I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted from life and thought that losing weight was the answer to all the worldly ills - oh how wrong could I have been LOL – I was just sugar sensitive!
I found the book Potatoes not Prozac as soon as it came out. I was always on the look out for the latest thing. I read it and connected with it straight away but in typical sugar sensitive fashion I didn’t want to wait – I wanted it all NOW. It sat back on my shelf for another five years and I had to explore plenty more avenues before I would come back to it.
Eventually I threw my hands in the air and decided that I’d had enough of detours and I began with breakfast. It took me another two years of trying to do the program 'my way' before I got past step 2.
But I did it.
Around step 3 I began to feel surprisingly good. At this point I was no longer bingeing. I had never travelled on my own before but I really wanted to go to the Radiant Recovery Brits’ lunch in London (100 miles away). But I couldn’t figure out how I could possibly go. I asked for advice on the Brits list and I was given some baby steps and websites that I might look at for trains etc. I ended up going to the lunch and had a fabulous time! There's something really special about spending time with people who 'get it'.
My program progressed quite swiftly after that initial meeting and I detoxed totally by accident in June of 2007 - the sugar had been missing for 3 whole days before I had even realised. I was planning on detoxing after the summer holidays so that I could still have ice creams with my children but my body had other ideas! Talk about a non-event.
The following spring I flew to Amsterdam ON MY OWN to meet up with a couple of pals and we flew on to Boston together for a Radiant Recovery seminar in Maine. It was sublime.
This year I am flying to Albuquerque for Ranch for the first time. I’m really quite excited!
I am now happy the vast majority of the time, I eat just three meals a day, I am filled with joy and hope for the future. I know what full feels like, I wear make-up again, and am moving my body more. If something’s not quite right, I know how to fix it or know where to find the advice to do so. I am starting to dream again; to do the things that are important to me, to remember who *I* am, not someone who I thought I ought to be.
Last summer I found a really pretty skirt in a charity shop. It wasn’t my size but I loved it so much I bought it anyway. And then I wondered if I could make something out of it. Like a bag. So I bought a book on bag-making techniques and made a bucket bag. And then I made another one. And another.
And then when I began sewing so many different things I was encouraged to set up a blog to keep track of them all. And then my friends started to tell me that they liked what I was creating.
Fast forward to the present day. At the start of 2012 I started my own small-business. I have orders already. I am designing and sewing costumes for a local dance school. I will be tendering a quote to sew curtains for my local school. I have a stall booked at a local fun day. I have had a logo designed and am getting woven labels produced. In three days time I get to present my business idea to my class. I'm actually looking forward to it - boy is that a change!!
Focusing on the joy in my life and the energy that is flowing makes me feel so alive. I *know* that I’m on the right path now. I can feel it.
Well, that’s a glimpse of my story so far. I can’t wait to discover what exciting things are waiting patiently around the corner for me as I keep doing the food!
To be continued...
Cookies and coffee picture courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
