New toy!

I have a new toy! Well, it's a new phone actually and it gives me access to the wonderful world of apps...
 

Sooooo - i was looking at the apps that I might like to have a play with and came across a 'personal trainer' app. Excellent! I'll have some of that!
 

Suitably downloaded, I wanted to try it out so I went for a bike ride this morning. The 'trainer' talks to me every 5 minutes to let me know how far I've been and what my average speed is - I must admit that I was a little surprised to discover that my backpack was talking to me to begin with!
 

I knew the bike ride would be a bit wet and skiddy as it had rained last night and there are a couple of hills on the route. But I wasn't prepared for the mud that the local farmers had carried from their fields onto the road. Oh my goodness - I have never seen so much mud - and it was everywhere so I couldn't avoid it even if I wanted to LOL!
 

I was only out for half an hour but you should have seen me when I got home - I was literally covered from head to foot! I had mud caked in my hair, I had a squirrel tail of mud that had seeped through my trackies, I had mud up my neck and all over my face; mud all over my arms...
 

 

Thank goodness I had worn dark clothing otherwise I might have had to bin it straight away!

 

At least I'm hoping it was just mud!
 

I think what surprised me the most was the way I reacted to the mud - I just had huge fun with it. And it didn't bother me that people were looking at me as I cycled past - in fact I drew attention to myself by saying hello to a couple of them. A far cry from my pre-food days.
 

Can't wait to try out my new toy again!
 

Righto - off to hose down my bike!


 

Don't give up

My daughter is friends with a budding young pop star.  I love watching the spark in him when he sings and plays his guitar.  He has over 50,000 followers on twitter.  He's going places.

But something happened recently for him to decide that he was going to give it all up.  I was gutted when I heard this.  He has heaps of talent.  He is a nice guy.  He has a dream.

Don't you ever give up on those dreams.  Ever.  Dreams are there for a reason.  We all deserve to follow our dreams.

This has really struch a chord with me this morning.

I'm going to ponder my own dreams.  Life is too short not to follow them.

Going up to London

Travel? 

Me?

On my own???

I desparately wanted to go to London to meet up for lunch with some radiant buddies.  But didn't know how.

I was scared.  Of travel.  Of moving from my very narrow comfort zone.  Of taking a chance.

But, after much coaxing I went anyway.  I took the train and was met by a friend who helped me negotiate the London Underground.

That was 5 years ago.

I've kept in touch with my buddies and been up to London pretty much twice a year since.  Yesterday was another lunch date. 

This time it was a breeze. 

This time I wanted to see some sights as I'd never 'done' London before.  So I walked to Buckingham Palace (map reading is not my strong point!) and this was the sight I was greeted with:

I could not believe how lucky I was.  To try something different.  To push outside that comfort zone.  Look at the big, wide world out there. Just look at it - it's magnificent!!!

I also walked to Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament with the London Eye in the background.

And even negotiated the tube on my own for the first time - well, I was running a bit late by then!

Lunch, as ever, was totally fabulous!  To be with such wonderful friends who know exactly where you're coming from is priceless.

And then I walked back to the coach station via the Royal Albert Hall

Catching sight of the golden, glowing Albert Memorial in all its splendour into the bargain.

I nodded off on the coach.  Because I felt safe enough to do so.

What a day!

Music and self-expression

In the past, music has played a huge part in my life.  But sometimes I forget just how much.

I haven't listened to any for a while now and so was taken aback this morning when I was watching a live version of one of my all-time favourite songs.  It moved me to tears.  I could 'feel' the song in my soul - it was almost as if the words and the music washed through me.  Can anyone relate?  Why is it sometimes so difficult to capture a sensation in words?!

I think it's a self-expression thing - something I am learning to do more and more.  Those singers are showing the world who they are.  I still can't sing a song without my throat closing up and being carried away by the emotion of it, but that's ok with me - as long as nobody asks me to sing on stage in the near future LOL!

And coincidentally I even get to watch the extraordinary Gareth Malone on tv this evening with his new Choir programme.  He is such an inspiring and enthusiastic choir master - he knows that everyone can sing and encourages them to do so - I think the universe is trying to tell me something!

I think I'm going to add a 'music' box to my journal so that I can make sure I remember to incorporate it every day.








animation courtesy of Webweaver

Library coincidences

I felt compelled to go to the library today.  It was one of those niggly, must go there but can't quite remember why feelings.

I didn't find the book I thought I wanted though.

On the other hand I spotted a sale table.  On top of which was a book that pretty much single-handedly inspired me to take up sewing - gee, I must have taken that out about 17 times already!  So I snapped that one up straight away.

And then I looked again.  There was a second book there seemingly waiting for me - I had taken it out a couple of times already.  It was about a man who had decided that he'd had enough of his 9-5 and so decided to change his life completely.

And then I looked at the notices.  There is going to be a talk by a local lady who announced to the world on her 50th birthday that she was going to cycle around the world on her own for two years.  I only read about her last week. 

Do I spot a theme here?

Freedom...

Freedom is a place in your head - you can go there any time or you can choose to stay trapped.

What will it be today?

Coincidences

* Joydot of the day: fresh raspberries from my garden!

I thought that being in recovery was its own reward.  But the longer I follow the recovery road, the more benefits seem to come my way.  It seems to be cumulative.

I have now discovered the beauty of coincidences.  They seem to crop up more and more frequently nowadays.  I really wasn't expecting that!

I think it must be tied in with this 'trust' thing somehow.  I'm still working on the how.  Although perhaps that not for me to worry about.

So, take this morning for example -

Coincidence #1
I've been meaning to get my carpets shampooed for ages.  Cream carpet?  Pets?  Yeah, I know!!  I even went as far as to pick up a leaflet from my local supermarket for more information.  These things take time to plan, you know? <chortle!>
So today Mr Freecycle posts about a carpet shampooer up for grabs not too far away from me.  I respond and received an email to say that I can go and pick it up tomorrow.  Wonderful!!

Coincidence #2
A month ago I entered an online competition for drama/singing/acting lessons for my extrovert daughter.  I'd forgotten all about it.  Within half an hour of receiving the email from Mr Freecycle, I receive a congratulations email to say that my daughter has won the lessons!

How cool is that?!

Trust

Last week I went along to my meditation class as normal and was struck by the immense energy of a friend who literally bounded into the class with a sparkle.

She had just made the life-changing decision to move to Portugal on her own. Because it felt right. And because it felt so right she trusted that that was the direction her life was meant to be going at this point in time.

I listened in awe at the coincidences that had occured for the move to go smoothly.  Everything seems to be slotting into place perfectly.

I told her that her ability to trust that she was on the right path encouraged others (ok, me!) to follow my own *knowing*.

I wonder what life would be like to live from that *knowing*?

To trust that everything happens for a reason and that if you follow the *knowing* then everything will work out just right.  Probably more than all right. 

What if I could have my dreams? 

What if there is nothing stopping me except *me*?

My logical mind still gets in the way right now.

I just have to be willing to listen.

And trust.

Recent joy dots

Joydots - a term coined by Dr Kathleen DesMaisons I believe, to denote a moment in time that makes you smile, appreciate the little things in life and possibly even takes your breath away.  Well, that's how I interpret it anyway!

I've found that focusing on the joydots during a day really helps me to focus on the bigger picture.

Here are a couple of my recent joydots:

* Seeing an enormous courgette/zucchini flower in the morning sun - it must have easily been 6" across!

* The same flower after a shower of rain - I just love the way that the raindrops sparkled in the sun.

I love the way that joydots always make me stop and feel what a wonderful world we live in.

The road to Albuquerque

In just three more sleeps time I get to realise a long-held dream of mine - to travel to Albuquerque for my first Radiant Recovery Ranch there. 

To say I am excited is an understatement!!

I live in the west of England so according to my e-ticket, that's approximately 5,500 miles away :)

A radiant pal and I leave the house at 5am on Wednesday to catch a 9:45 flight from Heathrow.  So far so good.

In true RR style I have been thinking about my food <grin> and here is what I'm planning at the moment...

4:00am    Home          Shake and porridge
8:30am    Heathrow    2nd breakfast (Spanish omelette)

9:45am    Plane #1
12:30pm  Plane           My own food (chicken, new potatoes and green beans)
5:00pm    Plane           My own food (turkey brown rice risotto with carrot sticks)

7:20pm    Atlanta
10:00pm  Atlanta        A visit to TGI's or a steakery in the airport - plus buy a decaf to take with me

12:25am  Plane #2     
3:00am    Plane           Food that I have bought in Atlanta or another shake (using cold decaf - must remember shaker bottle!) plus easy to mix Ready Brek

4:00am    Albuquerque
Sleep!

I'll also make sure I drink loads of water as Albuquerque is at high altitude (well, for my seafaring legs anyway!)

Now to plan the return route via Minneapolis!!

What a difference a smile makes

Every morning I wait with my daughter in the car before she goes into school. 

For the last two weeks I have seen the same teenaged girl walk past on her own.  She is about 17 years old and she has been wearing a huge fluffy hat with teddy bear ears on it which always makes me smile.  I do admire people who are able to be themselves and not mind what other people think.

She carries herself with such poise and from her manner she is really bubbly and in love with life.  Every single time she has walked past the car she has given us a huge grin which I have returned.

My daughter walked past her the other day and the teenager grinned at her and said 'good morning'.  My daughter was in awe as the teenager didn't even know her!

I always feel happy when she walks past.  I made sure I passed that smile on to others today.  Such a simple thing, but oh so effective.

Now, it seems that the teenager is from Austria and will only be at the school for a short while. But she has made such a difference to my world.

Joy dots

Joy dots are those little moments of awe, when you stop and see things through new eyes. 

Keeping track of them is having an incredible effect on me - it's really hard to explain, but you might like to try it too and see what happens.

Joy dots were the idea of Dr Kathleen DesMaisons.  The more I notice them, the more I see!

I'm going to be posting some of my joy dots as I go along.  I'll also post photos too.

Here are a few that I have noticed recently:

* the car that had cherry blossoms stuck all over it after a rain shower.

* The mini whirlwind carrying cherry blossoms up into the air

* Beginning a new sewing project

I'll be posting more here and will be tweeting them too!

@spreiki
#joydots

My story so far...

I haven't posted for ages, have I!

It's not very often I look at my journey as a whole, but I was in a wistful mood so thought I would today.

One of my earliest memories was sneaking into the kitchen when my mum wasn't looking and making myself a white bread and margarine sandwich - or 3. This was before I was 10 years old.

When I was at Junior school my mum told the cook to just give me a piece of fruit for my pudding as I wasn't just having seconds, I was having thirds of pudding every single day. Boy was I mad at her!

Eventually I fell into the first job that was offered; I had no motivation; I was depressed and I would binge all day long on cookies and coffee.

My confidence was through the floor despite being smart. I was rebellious and withdrawn with wild mood-swings topped off with a sprinkle of crankiness.

When I wasn’t eating sugar and whites I was drinking. I lost whole weekends. I became a stay at home mum and clung to the house, not wanting to be seen. I was angry, moody and felt like a victim.

I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted from life and thought that losing weight was the answer to all the worldly ills - oh how wrong could I have been LOL – I was just sugar sensitive!

I found the book Potatoes not Prozac as soon as it came out. I was always on the look out for the latest thing.  I read it and connected with it straight away but in typical sugar sensitive fashion I didn’t want to wait – I wanted it all NOW. It sat back on my shelf for another five years and I had to explore plenty more avenues before I would come back to it.

Eventually I threw my hands in the air and decided that I’d had enough of detours and I began with breakfast.  It took me another two years of trying to do the program 'my way' before I got past step 2.

But I did it.

Around step 3 I began to feel surprisingly good. At this point I was no longer bingeing.  I had never travelled on my own before but I really wanted to go to the Radiant Recovery Brits’ lunch in London (100 miles away).  But I couldn’t figure out how I could possibly go. I asked for advice on the Brits list and I was given some baby steps and websites that I might look at for trains etc. I ended up going to the lunch and had a fabulous time! There's something really special about spending time with people who 'get it'.

My program progressed quite swiftly after that initial meeting and I detoxed totally by accident in June of 2007 - the sugar had been missing for 3 whole days before I had even realised. I was planning on detoxing after the summer holidays so that I could still have ice creams with my children but my body had other ideas! Talk about a non-event.

The following spring I flew to Amsterdam ON MY OWN to meet up with a couple of pals and we flew on to Boston together for a Radiant Recovery seminar in Maine. It was sublime.

This year I am flying to Albuquerque for Ranch for the first time. I’m really quite excited!

I am now happy the vast majority of the time, I eat just three meals a day, I am filled with joy and hope for the future.  I know what full feels like, I wear make-up again, and am moving my body more. If something’s not quite right, I know how to fix it or know where to find the advice to do so. I am starting to dream again; to do the things that are important to me, to remember who *I* am, not someone who I thought I ought to be.

Last summer I found a really pretty skirt in a charity shop. It wasn’t my size but I loved it so much I bought it anyway. And then I wondered if I could make something out of it. Like a bag. So I bought a book on bag-making techniques and made a bucket bag. And then I made another one. And another.

And then when I began sewing so many different things I was encouraged to set up a blog to keep track of them all. And then my friends started to tell me that they liked what I was creating.

Fast forward to the present day.  At the start of 2012 I started my own small-business. I have orders already. I am designing and sewing costumes for a local dance school. I will be tendering a quote to sew curtains for my local school. I have a stall booked at a local fun day. I have had a logo designed and am getting woven labels produced. In three days time I get to present my business idea to my class. I'm actually looking forward to it - boy is that a change!!

Focusing on the joy in my life and the energy that is flowing makes me feel so alive. I *know* that I’m on the right path now. I can feel it.

Well, that’s a glimpse of my story so far. I can’t wait to discover what exciting things are waiting patiently around the corner for me as I keep doing the food!

To be continued...



Cookies and coffee picture courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net