Being sugar sensitive

Ahh, Weight Watchers.  I remember that fateful day when I stepped on the scale (after avoiding them for a fortnight) and discovering that my latest uncontrolable bingeing had added on an extra 8.5 pounds.  Talk about shame.  But I was doing something about it, right?

I knew how to play the game.  I knew how to stick rigidly to the food plan and gloss over the fact that my eating was out of control (again).  I did not put a foot wrong.  I knew I could beat this.  The following week I stepped on the scales to find that I had lost 9 pounds - everyone thought I was wonderful.  But only I knew how painful that fortnight of downing bar after bar of Double Deckers was.  And I knew that there had to be an answer out there somewhere. 

But it wasn't all about the weight.  I had mood-swings that would rival Jekyll and Hyde (my colleague mentioned it one day and I hadn't even realised).  Depression ruled the day.  I was so lethargic it was unreal.  I felt worthless and had no self-esteem.  None.

I knew I had a problem with sugar (chocolate, white bread, sweets - you name it) and I could really relate to craving food that I didn't even want.  I could inhale a doughnut from 10 metres.  I went to the Doctor one day and was just told not to eat it.  But there was no way I COULDN'T eat it - it would literally hop into my mouth before I had even thought about it. 

I bought every self-help book going.  My bookshelf was groaning under the weight.  While perusing a bookstore to see if I could find 'the latest thing', I found a copy of Potatoes not Prozac by Kathleen DesMaisons.  When I returned home I devoured it in one sitting - 'are you sugar sensitive?' it asked.  'Have you ever wondered why you can't say no to fattening foods or alcohol?'  I truly felt that the book was written about me and that I was the only one in the whole world feeling like this.  It seems that my body had a special sugar sensitive biochemistry that meant just saying no was not an option - AND IT COULD BE HEALED!!!

It took me a good five years before I started to work the steps.  You might say I took the scenic route.  But my life has changed beyond anything I could imagine.  I am no longer depressed.  I have self-esteem.  I'm starting to dream again.  I can eat three meals a day with no snacks or bingeing!  My default is happy.  All through doing the food!

Anyway, this is my journey to recovery and to finding my self that I scattered to the wind when I was too small to know any different.