My story so far...

I haven't posted for ages, have I!

It's not very often I look at my journey as a whole, but I was in a wistful mood so thought I would today.

One of my earliest memories was sneaking into the kitchen when my mum wasn't looking and making myself a white bread and margarine sandwich - or 3. This was before I was 10 years old.

When I was at Junior school my mum told the cook to just give me a piece of fruit for my pudding as I wasn't just having seconds, I was having thirds of pudding every single day. Boy was I mad at her!

Eventually I fell into the first job that was offered; I had no motivation; I was depressed and I would binge all day long on cookies and coffee.

My confidence was through the floor despite being smart. I was rebellious and withdrawn with wild mood-swings topped off with a sprinkle of crankiness.

When I wasn’t eating sugar and whites I was drinking. I lost whole weekends. I became a stay at home mum and clung to the house, not wanting to be seen. I was angry, moody and felt like a victim.

I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted from life and thought that losing weight was the answer to all the worldly ills - oh how wrong could I have been LOL – I was just sugar sensitive!

I found the book Potatoes not Prozac as soon as it came out. I was always on the look out for the latest thing.  I read it and connected with it straight away but in typical sugar sensitive fashion I didn’t want to wait – I wanted it all NOW. It sat back on my shelf for another five years and I had to explore plenty more avenues before I would come back to it.

Eventually I threw my hands in the air and decided that I’d had enough of detours and I began with breakfast.  It took me another two years of trying to do the program 'my way' before I got past step 2.

But I did it.

Around step 3 I began to feel surprisingly good. At this point I was no longer bingeing.  I had never travelled on my own before but I really wanted to go to the Radiant Recovery Brits’ lunch in London (100 miles away).  But I couldn’t figure out how I could possibly go. I asked for advice on the Brits list and I was given some baby steps and websites that I might look at for trains etc. I ended up going to the lunch and had a fabulous time! There's something really special about spending time with people who 'get it'.

My program progressed quite swiftly after that initial meeting and I detoxed totally by accident in June of 2007 - the sugar had been missing for 3 whole days before I had even realised. I was planning on detoxing after the summer holidays so that I could still have ice creams with my children but my body had other ideas! Talk about a non-event.

The following spring I flew to Amsterdam ON MY OWN to meet up with a couple of pals and we flew on to Boston together for a Radiant Recovery seminar in Maine. It was sublime.

This year I am flying to Albuquerque for Ranch for the first time. I’m really quite excited!

I am now happy the vast majority of the time, I eat just three meals a day, I am filled with joy and hope for the future.  I know what full feels like, I wear make-up again, and am moving my body more. If something’s not quite right, I know how to fix it or know where to find the advice to do so. I am starting to dream again; to do the things that are important to me, to remember who *I* am, not someone who I thought I ought to be.

Last summer I found a really pretty skirt in a charity shop. It wasn’t my size but I loved it so much I bought it anyway. And then I wondered if I could make something out of it. Like a bag. So I bought a book on bag-making techniques and made a bucket bag. And then I made another one. And another.

And then when I began sewing so many different things I was encouraged to set up a blog to keep track of them all. And then my friends started to tell me that they liked what I was creating.

Fast forward to the present day.  At the start of 2012 I started my own small-business. I have orders already. I am designing and sewing costumes for a local dance school. I will be tendering a quote to sew curtains for my local school. I have a stall booked at a local fun day. I have had a logo designed and am getting woven labels produced. In three days time I get to present my business idea to my class. I'm actually looking forward to it - boy is that a change!!

Focusing on the joy in my life and the energy that is flowing makes me feel so alive. I *know* that I’m on the right path now. I can feel it.

Well, that’s a glimpse of my story so far. I can’t wait to discover what exciting things are waiting patiently around the corner for me as I keep doing the food!

To be continued...



Cookies and coffee picture courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What I've been up to

I'm not too sure where to start - it feels as though everything and yet nothing has changed and I'm feeling really positive and excited.

I'm sewing - anything and everything. Sewing doesn't feel like work - it's just big fun. I've started looking at my clothes and modifying them - taking things in, adding ribbon etc. I'm having so much fun it's unreal. It's a huge shift for me to let go of the idea of doing admin and just following the energy.

As we were travelling to our holiday last week I made a felt camera pouch with diamante and beads on it. While I was there I took up some cropped trousers and they are now shorts. I took a special notebook with me and I now have loads of ideas written down for more things to tinker with such as adding darts and a belt to my shapeless winter coat. While I was away I found a book on body shapes and how to dress them :)

I'd love to say that being near the ocean really helped to change things for me but I think that that was already under way. I woke up early most days and I went for a walk on the beach which is two miles long at low tide. Some days I was out there at 5.30. I took my trainers and ran/walked along the beach one morning. It's been a long-held dream of mine to run along a beach. And the earlier I got up the more often it was my own beach too! 

In the mornings we pottered about or went into the small nearby town. I found 4 sewing shops and heaps of material in charity shops etc. Every afternoon we went body-boarding for a couple of hours. It was sublime. Some days the waves were flat and others they were quite impressive (and tiring!) I just adore that translucent aquamarine colour as the waves start to crest. One afternoon the waves weren't up to much and I spent ages just bobbing about leaning on my board watching the gold of the sun drip onto the ripples. I'd call that meditation!

The exercise I had on holiday has really reminded me how much my body likes to move. And my food needs a revamp. It's boring and monotonous so I'm going to refocus and play with that too.

I've also started a new blog to share my sewing adventures - you can find it at:

 http://sewselena.blogspot.com/

It feels good to be connected again!

Gifts

I've been feeling as though I have a foot in two worlds - the world that I know and that is 'comfortable' and the world of possibilities, uncertainty and hope. 

I have been contemplating making the leap (ok, slow amble) over to the second world for a while now.  What's stopping me?  Well, that would be me LOL!  Where I am is 'certain' - I know how to live this life but I want more and the hope and possiblities keep beckoning me. 

One of the reasons I am where I am is down to money but I had an insight this morning while bumbling about in my purse for some change to pay for a drink for myself and my daughter.  These insights always seem to pop up when least expected! 

Anyway, it occurred to me that every one of us is blessed with a specialness that only we possess and that our gifts and talents are there to support us.  Duh!!  Why had I not thought of that before? 

So I may just think a bit more seriously about sewing - anyone need any curtains altering or a dress made? <grin>

There's always a bright side

I drove my mum to a hospital appointment the other day.  I left my house a little early so that I'd have plenty of time to get there so I decided to take the long route to her house for a change.  That long route took in a steep hill which just so happened to be entirely closed off for roadworks.  I did chuckle! 

Ok, no problem, I still have plenty of time in hand.  So I took the diversion instead.  It took me deep into the countryside down sleepy little lanes lined with moon daisies and may blossom.  I came across flower filled meadows and birds a-twittering. 

I live in such a beautiful part of the world and I don't always get to appreciate it.  But I did that day.

Fairytales

Many moons ago a little girl was born with sparkly blue eyes. She was smart and special, but that wasn't what she was told. Or how she felt inside. So, slowly but surely she started to hide her light so that nobody could see her.

Time marched on and she lost her way walking deeper and deeper into the forest. The glimmer of hope in 'weight loss' caught her attention. 'Surely that must be the right path', she said, 'everyone seems to be doing it'. So she followed that path for many years. Every time she lost weight it found her again. But losing weight didn't make her feel any brighter.

She lost days, weeks, months, years trying to find her way to the edge of the forest. She did not know which way to turn. She'd tried everything. 'There's just no way out', she sighed.

Then one day she stumbled across a book seemingly waiting for her beside the path. That book was to change her life and remind her of that little light inside. She started to do the food and something wonderful started to happen. She began to notice the birds singing and could see the sunrays through the mist of the morning. 'Surely they weren't there before', she asked quizzically, to nobody in particular.

Time passed and she travelled further and further down that path. It just felt right. Before long she could see that she was nearing the edge of the forest. It started to open up right in front of her very eyes. There was a sign in the distance which she could barely make out. It pointed towards the village of ‘Freedom’. She had made her way out of the forest!

On the way to the village she could feel the warmth of the sun on her face and she began to glow. She saw for the first time that she had choices, she had ALWAYS had choices, but it was so much easier to give her power away and stay small. That way she could not be held accountable. She had never listened to her *self* before. ‘What if I were to listen and find out what *I* really want’, she asked.

So she started to really listen. And take notice of what she wanted out of life. Not just take notice, but take action. She no longer hides in the forest as Freedom is such a beautiful place to live. And her big blue eyes have started to sparkle again.

To be continued…

Food Addiction - more proof

'Food addiction' was never taken seriously - until now that is.

New research has shown that the biochemistry of a 'food' addict is the same as that of another 'drug' addict - yep, they've got that one right - addiction is addiction is addiction.  People are talking about it, relating to it and passing it on.  Twitter is ablaze.  The media has taken the research and run with it.  At last!!!

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/brain-activity-food-addiction-similar-addictions-study/story?id=13291191

But the thing is, it's not 'food' addiction per se - it's about 'sugar' and 'fat' addiction - the very same thing that Dr Kathleen DesMaisons has been talking about for the last 13 years. 

And 'food' is not the problem - food is the solution.

To borrow a phrase - there's nothing as powerful as an idea whose time has come.

Getting moving

My body's been telling me to get moving recently.  So I went for a bike ride.  It was a pleasant spring morning and I aimed for the almost-leafy country lanes.  A couple of pheasants ran across the road in front of me, a little startled.  I saw new-born lambs, goldfinches aplenty, bluebells starting to waken, primroses and daffodils.

I took a different route and ended up miles from home.  I loved how I could just take it in my stride and aim in the 'home' direction and find it again with a laugh and no hassle.  I shudder to think how I would have reacted pre-sugar detox.

I also love how I can be utterly flexible and just go with it.  That sure didn't happen in the past!!