Sugar detox

I used to be scared witless at the thought of giving up my drug of choice - sugar.  It was a real love/hate relationship - couldn't live with it, couldn't live without it.

I started doing the food methodically and as outlined in Potatoes not Prozac (rather than my own version of events LOL!) properly in early 2006.  I had dabbled ever since the first book came out in 1999.  This time round I was making steady progress through the steps - feeling hugely better by step 3.

I detoxed from sugar in June 2007 completely by accident.  I was going to have one last summer eating ice creams with my kids (addict thinking anyone?!)  But my body had other ideas.

Looking back at my journal, sugar had been gone from my meals for three days before I even realised!  And it was completely painless too!  A complete non-event.  Nobody more surprised than me.

Who knew?!?!?

Well, it seems that Dr Kathleen DesMaisons did :)

Coincidences

* Joydot of the day: fresh raspberries from my garden!

I thought that being in recovery was its own reward.  But the longer I follow the recovery road, the more benefits seem to come my way.  It seems to be cumulative.

I have now discovered the beauty of coincidences.  They seem to crop up more and more frequently nowadays.  I really wasn't expecting that!

I think it must be tied in with this 'trust' thing somehow.  I'm still working on the how.  Although perhaps that not for me to worry about.

So, take this morning for example -

Coincidence #1
I've been meaning to get my carpets shampooed for ages.  Cream carpet?  Pets?  Yeah, I know!!  I even went as far as to pick up a leaflet from my local supermarket for more information.  These things take time to plan, you know? <chortle!>
So today Mr Freecycle posts about a carpet shampooer up for grabs not too far away from me.  I respond and received an email to say that I can go and pick it up tomorrow.  Wonderful!!

Coincidence #2
A month ago I entered an online competition for drama/singing/acting lessons for my extrovert daughter.  I'd forgotten all about it.  Within half an hour of receiving the email from Mr Freecycle, I receive a congratulations email to say that my daughter has won the lessons!

How cool is that?!

What I've been up to

I'm not too sure where to start - it feels as though everything and yet nothing has changed and I'm feeling really positive and excited.

I'm sewing - anything and everything. Sewing doesn't feel like work - it's just big fun. I've started looking at my clothes and modifying them - taking things in, adding ribbon etc. I'm having so much fun it's unreal. It's a huge shift for me to let go of the idea of doing admin and just following the energy.

As we were travelling to our holiday last week I made a felt camera pouch with diamante and beads on it. While I was there I took up some cropped trousers and they are now shorts. I took a special notebook with me and I now have loads of ideas written down for more things to tinker with such as adding darts and a belt to my shapeless winter coat. While I was away I found a book on body shapes and how to dress them :)

I'd love to say that being near the ocean really helped to change things for me but I think that that was already under way. I woke up early most days and I went for a walk on the beach which is two miles long at low tide. Some days I was out there at 5.30. I took my trainers and ran/walked along the beach one morning. It's been a long-held dream of mine to run along a beach. And the earlier I got up the more often it was my own beach too! 

In the mornings we pottered about or went into the small nearby town. I found 4 sewing shops and heaps of material in charity shops etc. Every afternoon we went body-boarding for a couple of hours. It was sublime. Some days the waves were flat and others they were quite impressive (and tiring!) I just adore that translucent aquamarine colour as the waves start to crest. One afternoon the waves weren't up to much and I spent ages just bobbing about leaning on my board watching the gold of the sun drip onto the ripples. I'd call that meditation!

The exercise I had on holiday has really reminded me how much my body likes to move. And my food needs a revamp. It's boring and monotonous so I'm going to refocus and play with that too.

I've also started a new blog to share my sewing adventures - you can find it at:

 http://sewselena.blogspot.com/

It feels good to be connected again!

Gifts

I've been feeling as though I have a foot in two worlds - the world that I know and that is 'comfortable' and the world of possibilities, uncertainty and hope. 

I have been contemplating making the leap (ok, slow amble) over to the second world for a while now.  What's stopping me?  Well, that would be me LOL!  Where I am is 'certain' - I know how to live this life but I want more and the hope and possiblities keep beckoning me. 

One of the reasons I am where I am is down to money but I had an insight this morning while bumbling about in my purse for some change to pay for a drink for myself and my daughter.  These insights always seem to pop up when least expected! 

Anyway, it occurred to me that every one of us is blessed with a specialness that only we possess and that our gifts and talents are there to support us.  Duh!!  Why had I not thought of that before? 

So I may just think a bit more seriously about sewing - anyone need any curtains altering or a dress made? <grin>

Getting moving

My body's been telling me to get moving recently.  So I went for a bike ride.  It was a pleasant spring morning and I aimed for the almost-leafy country lanes.  A couple of pheasants ran across the road in front of me, a little startled.  I saw new-born lambs, goldfinches aplenty, bluebells starting to waken, primroses and daffodils.

I took a different route and ended up miles from home.  I loved how I could just take it in my stride and aim in the 'home' direction and find it again with a laugh and no hassle.  I shudder to think how I would have reacted pre-sugar detox.

I also love how I can be utterly flexible and just go with it.  That sure didn't happen in the past!!

Being a sugar addict

I remember when I first saw this video - it moved me to tears, in fact, it still does.  I still remember that feeling of wanting, wanting the sugar/alcohol/whatever - knowing that it would make me feel 'better' (fleetingly) and then I'd be off on the roller coaster ride of mood swings, depression, highs and lows again.  Ugh.

I've always known that sugar is a drug and thankfully society and science is catching up.  It is very real. 

When I first started doing the food and I heard that sugar affects the same brain receptors as heroin I was blown away.  Of course it does.  That explains it.  The constant craving, the lies, the broken promises, the withdrawal.  Addiction is addiction.

But knowing that there is a solution to healing sugar sensitivity, sugar addiction, that actually WORKS, phew, that's kinda intense. 

Today the mood swings are gone, so is the depression, and the 'crazies', oh, and the bingeing.  Not to mention the cravings.  Or the weight fluctuations.  

In its place is a steadiness, a calm certainty that I can handle whatever life throws at me.  A confidence that everything will be all right. 

And I wouldn't swap that for the world!

Video by kind permission, Dr K DesMaisons

Opening doors

I swear I'm solar-powered - I have so much more energy at the moment with this wall-to-wall spring sunshine we've been having!  The daffodils are out, the cherry blossom is blooming and the birds are a-singing.  Ahhhhhh!

Ok, so perhaps it's not just the sun (serotonin) that's making a difference - it's probably that my beta-endorphins are sky-high right now too.  Yay for a balanced biochemistry!

I'm also noticing that I've been able to shed some of the pretences and barriers that I've carried around with me - you know, the ones that keep me 'safe' and shut me off from really living my life.  I feel as though I am able to relax and breathe and feel comfortable being who I am at long last. 

It feels as though the door is right in front of me and that I can choose to walk through it at any time.  And that's not a scary feeling - that's pretty darned exciting.

I never dreamed life could feel this good!

Making it happen

In January I wrote down a list of a dozen dreams that I wanted to make happen by the end of this year. 

One was to go to Maine again (when I didn't know how I was going to do that) - check, already done that.  Another was to find a 12-step face to face meeting that I was happy with - done that too.

In fact, there are 5 things that have already been ticked off the list.  And there are another 2 that I am actively working on right now.

Now, why am I able to focus on these dreams and make them happen? 

Outrageously I decided to email the list of dreams to myself.  That way I am constantly reminded of what I want to focus on.  When I have done something on the list I don't delete it, I move it to a new 'done' section at the bottom of the email.  And then I email the revised list once a week.

I'm having a blast!!

Journalling feelings

I remember when Kathleen talked about the 'f' word - that's right, 'feelings'.  Man, that was scary!!

I had spent my entire life avoiding feelings.  When I did experience them, I veered between overwhelm and anger on the one side and numbness on the other.  Didn't really have any other feelings that were pretty enough to take a look at.  I could only tiptoe into journalling when I saw it as a science project - what happens if I eat THIS?  It made it doable.  Oh, and the list of feelings in Your Body Speaks was a tremendous help too - I never knew there were so many different feelings LOL!

I've come a long way since then.  My feeling vocabulary has increased enormously.  Rather than feeling overwhelm and anger all the time, I'm feeling confident and clear.  Even content.  I think the fact that I've increased my veggies and browns is playing a big part in that.  And paying attention to Mr Spud too.

I never knew it could be so much fun to actually listen to my body and learn her language!! 

All right!

It'll be all right.  And if it isn't, it'll STILL be all right.

There was a time when I would have laughed at that phrase.  Can you not remember, Sparkles, those dark times when you would flare up at the slightest noise/look/whatever and the world would fall apart?  It didn't take a lot to dissolve into a sobbing heap on the floor - all because I'd run out of milk or other such crime.

But the more I do the food, the more it's coming true.  And that's all right by me!

Home again, home again

Well, Maine was good - so gooooood!  I loved everything about it - the food, the company - oh and that beach :)  Well worth the 6,500 mile round-trip!

We meditated, talked, shopped and hung out.  It was incredibly restorative.  There was time for reflection and time for just being.  I swear time slowed down while I was there - we seemed to fit so much in without it being overwhelming.

Being home feels different this year.  To be honest, I think everything feels different right now.  I am very much in the flow and know that I can handle it - whatever 'it' happens to be.  I don't think I've felt like this before.

I'm sleeping a lot - I know it's not just jetlag LOL.  On the surface it looks as though we just ate and drew, but I think we did much more than that!

Recovery, and spending time with people who get it - you just can't beat it.

A journey

There I was, heart in my mouth as I climbed aboard the train for the first time.  It was a big deal.  I had never travelled on my own before, so this was going to be interesting.  How old was I?  18 and travelling to college interviews?  Nope - my Dad took me to those - try twenty years later than that!

I left for the first Radiant Recovery Brits lunch in London full of trepidation but with more than a little help and persuasion from some very supportive step 7ers.  Thankfully, I was met by a welcoming committee - if I had had to negotiate the underground on my own I do believe I would have stayed at home that day.  I had such a wonderful time with people who 'get it'.

It's funny how doing the food allows horizons to be broadened.  Two years later I was in a taxi on the way to the airport.  I flew to Amsterdam on my own and then on to Boston with two fellow step 7 friends for a seminar.  I haven't looked back, well, unless my timings get a bit wonky or I start dreaming of gluten free bread that is!

It's a heck of a journey, but I'm so grateful for it!!

Giggles

Screech, screech, SCREECH - the incessant wail of the smoke alarm made sure it woke up the rest of the slumbering household, probably the rest of the street.  I'm running upstairs and down, opening windows and waving a tea-towel under the alarm to try to clear the smoke as adeptly as the giggles will allow.  I'm too short to reach the alarm to take the batteries out, but it clears.  And my stomach muscles and mouth still ache from chortling to myself.

I'd made an egg and bacon sandwich for my daughter's breakfast.  I hadn't even burnt it!  Humour.  That's not something I've always felt.  I remember if somebody would even glance at me a certain way I would dissolve into tears.  I would react to things rather than giggle.  A few years ago I would have gone into a depression and felt that the whole world was against me and I would hold onto that one incident as proof.  Not any more :)

Giggles.  Another by-product of doing the food maybe?